It's been years, but once again, I find myself in a clothing crisis. I'm starting to get work in the corporate world (WTF?), and I have nothing to wear to the ball.
For years, 16, to be exact, I've worn Stay at Home Momwear, which usually consists of sweats and a t-shirt, or something else easily washable and highly stain-resistant. I got my clothes at Target and Old Navy. Why spend a lot on something that's going to get peed, pooped, drooled and barfed upon on the regular?
Then, as my kids got older, I graduated to Athleisurewear, the leggings and sleeker, more put-together tops that made me look like Fitness Mom, which I sort of was. So I looked a little more on top of things. I found my inspiration at Athleta, usually when there's a sale, and Lululemon, ONLY when there's a sale. Also, still a little Old Navy. Their fitness clothes aren't half bad.
Once I started teaching part-time again, I was able to bring in some of my funky Teaching Artist clothes, and when you're in the arts, and teaching (where the pay is for shit), you can get away with just about anything that other people will say is "quirky" or "cute", but that they'd never dream of wearing themselves. I found my inspiration in upcycled clothes from Etsy. Loved the look. Didn't need to dress for "The Man". Dangly earrings, leather studded bracelets, one-of-a-kind dresses. I was in heaven.
When I found myself teaching in a posh private school, I pulled out my Title Nine dresses, and put on some tights and heels. Definitely good enough for a sub. Nobody really gives a shit about us, anyway, right?
But now, I find myself entering the Corporate World. Dunh dunh dunh.
What do I wear there?
I don't think a camo dress with a lace skirt and combat boots are going to cut it. And I can't sashay in there in my leggings and modal yoga wrap, even though they were expensive and are high-quality. (Full disclosure, I don't do yoga.)
So I am a bit stymied. Where am I supposed to shop?
I know that stores exist for such things. Ann Taylor? Sooo not me. Abercrombie and Fitch? Yikes, not me, either. Anthropologie? Love it, but too young and pricey for me in corporate, probably. Macy's? I have no idea what they have there besides a LOT of makeup. Banana Republic? What do they even sell there? Isn't that a derogatory term? I'm so confused. Who the fuck is Tommy Bahama? That's got to be vacationwear, right? (Clearly I have limited retail experience.) Chic boutiques that only open for four hours a day, three days a week? Too expensive. The Gap, maybe? But their pants never fit me properly. I look like hell in Gap pants. Not happening.
Other challenges for me, the apparently high-maintenance dresser:
I hate stripes, collars, tabbed sleeves (horrible), work "trousers", slingbacks, blazers, bows, ruffles, shirring, lace, and did I mention collars? Can not do those. And did I mention I'm middle-aged?
So I guess I'm going to have to get creative, which is actually fine. Pick a bit from column A and a bit from column B and see where I end up. My friend, who is a corporate coach, said that basically I just need to put on a nice scarf. I can do that! I have scarves! And not just ones with skulls on them. Victory is mine!
And honestly, I think it really comes down to the shoes. My first gig in the CW is in May, so my many and diverse boots will not apply. All I have left are athletic shoes and gladiator sandals. Can I wear the latter? Or will it be too cold? I hate ballerina flats, I forget to mention, because they make my feet look like Venetian gondolas. I feel like Ronald McDonald when I wear flats. It's not pretty.
I got some Jambu shoes from Sahalie, because they look nice, but are they too casual? Too sporty? How do I teach Improv in high heels? I can barely WALK in them, let alone jump, dance, and contort my body into different shapes as necessary for my job. What I'd really like to do is wear my Chucks, but I don't think I can get away with that.
I think I'm going to have to consult my friend. Scarves? Check. Shoes? Need some constructive feedback, make sure we're all on the same page, let's put a pin in this. (See? I speak Corporate.)
I just reread this, and it such a First World Problem that I feel like kind of a dick. Honestly, who cares what I have to wear? As long as it's clean and relatively neutral, it should be fine. At this point, I'd rather donate money to gun legislation non-profits. Sometimes they give you t-shirts. Would those be okay to wear?
They should be.
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