Everyone is your teacher.

Yes, that's what I'm thinking about right now. Every person you meet has something to teach you. I believe that's Buddha-inspired, and I like it.

But not always.

I mean, sometimes, a new person you meet turns out to be kind of a pain in the ass.

And yet, there is surely something you can learn from them.

In fact, if you are uncomfortable with someone, it is really freaking likely that you can learn something from them.

You may not want to, but you can.

I'm feeling that right now. I've met a lot of people in my life so far, most of whom I find quite delightful, fascinating, lovable, interesting. But we musn't forget the challenging ones.

Damn, I hate the challenging ones.

When someone gets under your skin and you can't figure out why, there is usually a lesson there, in my experience. It's not fun to learn, and it's never easy, but it's there.

What I've found thus far is that if someone new I meet "bugs" me, it is because they are either just like me, the exact opposite, and/or. they make me feel insecure because they play higher status than me.

Let's pause for a minute to discuss status.

I'm not talking about bling. Cars. Houses. Expensive dye jobs.

I'm talking about the feeling of being powerful, and the ability to hold your own with whoever comes your way, without withering into nothing or turning into a babbling idiot. (I just did that a few days ago. But more on that later.)

I'm referring to Keith Johnstone's definition of STATUS. I would call him the grandfather of Improv. His book, Impro (no V), is a fascinating read, and not just for people who love the theatuh.  His chapter is a deep examination on status, and how every single exchange we have with people all of the time is a "status transaction."

Now, lest you think I'm being too clinical, I'll just mention that I have been accused of being  oversharing, mushy, and emotional, on numerous occasions. I prefer the terms open, loving, and sensitive, but, potato, potahto. So I am not without feeling.

But, for example, in an improvised scene (which is just real life, anyway) Johnstone shows how people try to outdo each other when they complain, or when they talk about their accomplishments. If I say I've read some challenging novel, like, say, Ulysses, and if the other person I'm talking to wants to raise their status above mine, they would say something like, "I did my PhD dissertation on Ulysses." Whoosh, goes the air in my intellectual balloon.

If I'm standing with my toes pointing inward, and my head down, and the other person is standing Superwoman Style (a la Amy Cudi) then I feel like shit, and they feel awesome.

I found myself babbling incessantly the other day when I ran into some women I don't know very well. Was I trying to impress them? Share my excitement? Maybe a bit of both. I think I felt insecure, so I just did NOT stop talking. My enthusiasm for life is probably both endearing to some, and annoying to others. I was feeling low status, so I think I tried to raise myself, albeit probably not very successfully.

In his chapter on status, Johnstone says that every time you say you did something well or garnered some form of accolade, it is like giving the other person in the conversation a kick. I find this fascinating, because it doesn't feel that way if you really love and enjoy the person telling you. You can actually have sympathetic joy, and be happy for your friend or family member.

If, however, you don't know the person so well, and they tell you how great things are going, it can feel like a kick, a bit of, "Gee, what's wrong with me that I'm not achieving x, y or z?" So I feel like an asshat for babbling to these women I barely knew, because I probably sounded like I was just kicking away there, when I was really more nervous because I didn't really know them, and I got a bit anxious, and my mouth just started going and wouldn't stop.

It's challenging to be mindful of when to speak and when to listen. I'm not always so great at that, but I'm working on it.

So I am perpetually fascinated by people who make me feel low status. What is it that they are doing that makes me so uncomfortable? Am I just on auto-pilot, seeking approval, as is my default mode? What is it about them that makes me feel so uncomfortable?

Yes, they say you should only spend time with people who lift you up, and I tend to do that, but still, I am fascinated (and vexed) by people around whom I feel uncomfortable.

What do they have to teach me? In the above case, humility. Being a better listener. Not worrying so much about what they think of me. I barely know them! They barely know me!

There's always a lesson in there somewhere.