Forgive me.

Sorry! Sorry. So sorry. Oh, I’m sorry.

So many sorries.

What do they even mean?

If a sorry falls in a forest, does anybody hear?

I say sorry a lot, a habit I am trying to break.

When my son gets tired or anxious, he says sorry as if stuck on repeat.

I tried to teach him to say “thank you” instead of “sorry”, inspired by an article my best friend sent me. It said to replace “sorry” with “thank uou”, as in, instead of saying, “Sorry I’m late”, say, “Thank you for waiting”.

Simple. But not easy.

I remember one night he and I were sitting in the car and he just kept repeating, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you” over and over in a panicked and unsteady voice.

So much for that strategy.

I come from a country which is perpetually sorry. Canadians say “Sorry?” instead of “What?” or “Pardon?” or the ever-American “Huh?” We say sorry before any possible complaint or concern that may need to be voiced. We fear ruffling the feathers of others. Is there any other place where sorry is the most frequently-used word in everyday interactions?

Sorry can also be passive-aggressive. “I’m sorry, but I’m not coming to dinner with her.”

Or it can be totally disingenuous, as in, “I’m sorry you feel I upset you.”

Seriously? WTF is that?

There’s something about SORRY that can become a compulsive habit. There’s even some pop song trending right now by some former-Disney-newly-adult star who sings, “Sorry, not sorry”.

Interesting paradox. I wonder what she was thinking when she or her massive money-making machine male producers wrote it.

SORRY implies guilt. “I screwed up.” Or, you can be sorry that something is happening to something, or someone: “I’m sorry you’re sick.”

Not ALL sorries are neurotic.

But a lot of mine are.

There’s also the sorry that some well-meaning adults make children perform. The “Empty Sorry”. Forcing a child to say they’re sorry when they’re not only reinforces the use of the apology as nothing but empty words. If you’re not sorry, you’re not. Making things right is a lot more important that just saying the words, especially when you don’t mean them. And that goes for adults, too.

There are some people who refuse to say sorry. I find them fascinating. Is it the word? The concept? Admitting they made a mistake?

I’d like to go on a Sorry Diet. It’s second nature to apologize, even for something super minor, like forgetting the napkins when you set the table. My friend told me that when she plays tennis with other women, they are forever apologizing to each other throughout the game. It’s exhausting.

I propose a ban on sorries. Maybe make a list of a dozen or so other things we could say instead. I’ll get right on that.

In Montreal, where I grew up, the majority French Canadian population is not as sorry as the Anglophones and Allophones who already feel they are encroaching on the popular culture by not being French enough. When a Francophone bumps into you in the metro, they say “Scuse!” loudly and aggressively, a brusque shorthand for “excuse me”.

And they never sound sorry.

We have a lot to learn from French Canadians. They dress better, party better, and speak up for themselves with gusto, far more than TROC (The Rest of Canada). Where do they get their confidence? (Is it a micro-aggression that I’m singling out French Canadians? Probably. Dammit. Sorry.)

Something must be done about this primarily female apology epidemic. I think most people (men) in power are not sorry enough a lot of the time. I mean, have you heard ANY true heartfelt apologies from all of these manipulative, sick bastards who prey on women? Not so much, dudes. Maybe you get an “I regret”. Which is not the same as an apology at all. It’s self-involved, and mostly horseshit. “I’m sorry” is directed outward, communicating with someone you actually hurt.

So I think a lot of people, ok, MEN, around here, need to work on their sorry skills.

Anyway, I’m sorry if you don’t agree with me on this.

Actually, I’m not.