Oops, I did it again.

You may have read my second post on this blog, about saying SORRY all the freaking time.

Just noticed a couple of things in the past few days that reminded me how frequently we invoke this word, and how unconscious it is to just keep saying it over and over.

The other day, someone dear to me was talking about elder and end of life care, and my kids were listening. I did not think this was a problem at all, by the way. She kept apologizing as if bringing up these topics was some sort of crime. We can't protect our kids from everything, and nothing graphic was being said. Just, you know, real-life business. It's not easy to talk about parents ageing and where they may end up living if they need whatever level of support is required, but you have to deal with it at some point. What struck me was how frequently my friend kept apologizing for basically harshing the buzz of whatever we were all talking about before this particular conversation began. So she was saying sorry for bringing up an unsavoury (but necessary) topic. She shouldn't need to be apologizing for that.

Then, today, at Easter brunch, I was fighting a massive migraine, so I kept my sunglasses on. I not only found myself apologizing to everyone at the table for the lack of eye contact, but felt compelled to explain (briefly, so as not to sound whiny) that I was trying to keep things from getting out of hand. I had to use the word migraine, but I didn't want to mention it and upset people. So I was apologizing to other people about the fact that I was in pain, but trying valiantly to hide it. (Just for the record, I was chatty, pleasant, and upbeat.Yes, I'm fucking charming.Sometimes.)  And yet, I found myself feeling the need to say SORRY repeatedly to people BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T SEE THEIR EYES.

THEN, I found myself apologizing, if not in word, then in tone, delivery and demeanor, when all of the adults ordered mimosas, and I ordered a Diet Coke. I was sorry, basically, that I wasn't joining the crowd. Why couldn't I just say, "I would like a Diet Coke, please" and hold my head up high?

For fuck's sake.

So I guess I have a long way to go on reducing the sorries. And so do others.

I'd like to wish everyone a Happy Easter, Happy Passover, Happy Spring Equinox (belated), Happy Pagan Fertility Rites and whatever else you enjoy celebrating. I'm sorry if I've missed any. Damn it, there I go again.

Let's try that one more time: Please excuse any omissions mentioning your spiritual/religious festivities.

I just want you to be happy. Seriously.